i fuckib htae you, you church bitch.
She's JV to your varsity
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
How the fuck did you end up in a tree? With multiple people?
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
He ran into the room yelling "attack! Attack!", jumped on top of me on the air mattress, popped the air mattress, and then we had victory sex, because he was proud of popping it.
I have a weapon and I'm not blacked out. Good as gold
I was walking around the party holding a dog on my shoulder like it was a parrot
At least I got to make out with you a little before you proposed.
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
What color nail polish screams, "Either fuck me or get the hell out of my way"?
no dude he sent me cemetery flowers, i know it. they are half dried out roses in the shape of a cross, seriously. and he is not religious. so he robbed a freaking grave site for me. am i like an accessory to grave robbing now??
damnit this is what you get for dating guys with neck tattoos
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