May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
But when he came on my stomach I noticed how tan I was!
No need to get angry I'm just tryin to get my door back
No, you don't understand. If the words "stop," "alcohol poisoning," and "regret" aren't in the same sentence by the end of the night, I will have failed this birthday.
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
Still stoned. I like your bong. It can stay. No others, though.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
Come share oat with me in your robe
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Plus you need some new dick in your life, the environment is fucked enough you don’t have to recycle anymore 😂💀
I need mimosas to revive my soul
Randomize
