I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
He proposed that we "bone". I've completely given up on boys.
Just found the video that explains the neighborhood applause. Your landlord is awesome, and the clothes are on the roof
The used rubbers I threw behind her bed all semester must have landed on the baseboard heater. They went up in smoke when she turned on the heat last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
We couldn't find the paddle I had gotten so he just spanked with my tennis raquet
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Also topless tea is a thing that happens in our apartment. Ready yourself.
If I die, sorry about rent.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
