next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
How am I so hungover that wearing sunglasses hurts my head?
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
My boyfriend sold my favorite shoes right off my fucking feet last night outside the bar. It might have played a part in our breakup today.
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
when they cut me off i played the entire Justin Bieber playlist and left for another bar that didn't think i'd had enough to drink
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
Randomize
