Acid is not a monday night drug
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I need you to stand in the corner and ref this threesome. Wear stripes.
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
So help my penis see only you. Give him some attention as well.
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
To drink from my fkask next to a cop car or to not drink from my flask next to a cop car
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Thanks a lot dude. I'm grateful to you for your gift of pure piss.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
How did your walk of shame include a trip to Walmart and how did you bump into the cop that arrested you last night there?
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
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