im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
I can't tell if I'm hungover or if my cat just knocked the lamp on my face
We didn't want to make a pit stop so I just helped my husband pee in a bottle. No one told me this was part of love.
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
You said "bag of dicks" before passing out and falling off the landing
Oh god... Please tell me Sarah didn't see me like this
...you may have kinda punched her in the tit on the way down...
Her one night stand followed us to mass. This is too funny for real life.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
Yes, you can go into Petsmart drunk but the cats awaiting adoption don't appreciate the soft pretzels squeezed through their cages.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
Randomize
