went to the bathroom to piss, saw puke in the toilet thought wtf i dont remember puking, then turned around to find a chick i've never seen before passed out in my shower.
I thought that since they were twins... they would be equally as good in bed
I just texted him to come over because I want to see if his hand fits the handprint bruise on my ass.....I feel like the cinderella of S&M
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
If taco bell and midol can't fix her, she's in gods hands now.
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
BoomCity!!!
You don't have to text me that every time you have sex. I already heard you ring the gong.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
I'm almost too hungover to function. Got into the wrong car by mistake. there was a rotweiler in it. Thank god he was more confused than i was for a minute.
I don't know but this 12 year old kid is soaking up all of our bad morals like a super tampon on the second day of my period
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
My intervention, when it happens, should have vanilla cake....buttermilk icing.
How exactly does a handjob become fancy?
Blueberry lube, and champagne.
all I remember is screming at her "I want you and your tortillas... DEAD"
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