I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
That place is a DUI and an STD waiting to happen. I think I'll pass.
I literally just got propositioned by a sugar daddy.
OUR DREAMS ARE BEING REALIZED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
I'm not saying you're stupid, just that you have bad luck when thinking...
i just wanna know who wrote "dibbz" on my ass?
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
Randomize
