Ah I wish I was there to nurse you then clean up your piss-filled water bottles
for some reason the bedside piss missed the water bottle today
mondays should just be called national damage control day
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
I jerked off enough times today to safely commit to the fact that im not getting laid tonight
Drunk you assumed that me saying I thought squirrels were cute meant for you to trap one in my car by luring it in with ham. You're going to hell for this.
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Add caroling to the list of things we need to do in an elevator
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
My legs feel like baby dolphins
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
who knew my inner goddess was such a whore
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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