My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
She told me that she had to rub her face against me because she was part cat.
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Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You just wait. When you see me foam roll naked, you're going to lose your mind.
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
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