the new term for farting is butt boxing.
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
I'm deleting all the photos of dicks off my phone. This relationship could be serious
ur mom makes the best bacon
WHAT ARE YOU DOING IN MY HOUSE
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
That's how you know it was a good night if two months later you finally realized your skirt never made it home and you found out where it was.
Are you doing that thing where you're convinced I made a terrible decision
Daily.
I'm very impressed by your ability to explain a story about your fiery snatch solely in emojis. props.
It must be love. I'm deleting my porn for him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
I woke up with pitch black feet and crushed doritos around my mouth. That's how I determined how my night went
I realized my soar muscles form the shape of me leaning over a toilet
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Remember the Giant sandworm from the movie Dune? Well that's about how big his dick is. No bulshit.
Randomize
