He literally had no idea who I was, so he made me turn around 360 degrees and when he saw my ass, he blurted out my first AND last name.
They're all gay and their wifi network is named HOMOS. I want to live with these people.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
Dude. He put me on a rewards point system for his dick. I have to do him favors now to build up to winning sex. This is shit.
he asked me to "shake his dick" when he introduced himself, playing naked football with you in our living room. $100 says you two get married one day.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
You peed on someones bathroom floor while saying people are rude for not flushing
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
Randomize
