Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
last night i found where hot topic managers go to die after they get fired.
I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
So where are we on this whole, you write my paper...i do sexual favors situation?
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
People...there is no better feeling in the world than finding out via Google that your ex has a warrant out for his arrest. No better feeling.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
Dear in laws. I am not spending any holidays with you. I dislike your company. A lot.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
