After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
No, veal is cruel because they chain them down, I'm talking about free range human babys here.
all the sharp corners in my house are covered with litter foam blocks. al set for partying
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
He just told me he's been drinking vodka at work all day. I'm starting to believe in soul mates.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Stayed out til 7 am.... Did u know there's a guy who goes up and down the quad at that hour playing bagpipes?
Found out last night that "Everclear" is Spanish for "shit got weird"...
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
she walked through the crowd, completely naked, slapped a pool attendant in the face and stole the towel he was carrying. she used it to dry her hair.
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
it's like that time i was drunk at relay for life. but with balloon animals...
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
Do you think he’ll fall in love with me if I tell him I have a nickname for his penis
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