I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
So... I just got back from the chiropractor... And he said I have a slight neck injury from head banging too much. Fuck yes.
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
I just used an app to identify a song that was playing in the background of a porno. May god bless your soul steve jobs.
Is waterboarding an exceptable way of getting sober?
The bartender was shocked when I took the mop bucket from him and told him I'd take care of my friends puke.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
i knew as soon as i met you that i was gonna be the designated driver
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just had a spiritual connection with my sweater and did ballet in the hallway. Alone. I'd say we're gonna chalk that up as a win for marijuana and call it a night
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
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