He like poked it twice with the tip of his tongue then left it alone. I'm sad.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
ive realized i need to start an "avoid moving in with my parents after graduation" fund
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist is concerned about your alcoholism.
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
You know something is wrong with your life when your mom is at the bar getting free tequila shots and you aren't
Whats a polite way to say 'if you havent put on a freshman 15 i would like to see you during break'?
no its a draw, weve been through this, when were keeping score on getting laid i get a plus 1 handicap each week because of your British accent! its only fair!
The fact that a spice girls song is stuck in my head is a great sign that my decisions aren't the right ones at the moment...
Oh please. Preoccupy yourself with my penis.
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