got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Cute boy and deffffff wearing a HS shirt. I am getting too old to be inaccurate.
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
He was so drunk we almost didn't even make it to his place because he didn't know where he lived
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
The bouncer said the club was at capacity we couldnt get in till ppl left all three of them pulled their tits out we got complimentary bottle service never under estimate women
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Why is there a trampoline for sale in my front yard?
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