Do you feel like you missed out a little from not getting crabs in college?
Just realized the hot girl at the office got a boob job over the Holiday.....she is now super-hot girl.
I just shot gunned a beer for your birthday alone because you're too hungover at midnight to get out of bed. I'm not sure which of us is the bigger loser
found your viking helmet in the parking lot this morning, its missing a horn. There was still liquor in the remaining horn. shots from a viking helmet should be mandatory.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
I just stood next to my childhood self. Fuck, I'm really stoned...
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
Dry heaving on campus is my new low. Also, go pats
I haven't gotten dressed in 4 days. God bless you, unemployment.
We decorated the tree, drank wine, and he went down on me with Christmas music on in the background. Christmas IS coming.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
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