I just made out with a guy for $7.
We may or may not have a drunk cat on our hands.
i cant be the least bit upset about his new gf cause all i think is that she has to put things in his ass
I'm not 100% sure, but I think someone gave me a bath last night...
she actually told me to ignore the cokeheads in the corner with knives.
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
Guess which guy you've blown just made me sandwich at subway?
In the middle of pouring my wine you asked me if I could hear your vibrator from my room.
When I sent you a text telling you to splash water on your face, you texted me back with 'Iwehre N qyull.'
Was there a Canadian at your party or did I dream that?
Because i love you. And people show love by not letting their friends shit themselves.
If the fate of the world hinged on some chubby girl getting laid, the president would dispatch me with a fifth of Jameson immediately and then rest easy.
I bought 10 disposable adhesive bras and duct tape. If Home Depot can't help my breasts defy gravity, nothing will...
LMAO
I'll give you one guess. It has a cock and I want it
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
Randomize
