You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Their bromance is so intense that they don't even eye-fuck when they see each other....they eye-make-love.
shes in my pool wearing only floaties on her arms ill have to raincheck watching march madness with you guys sorry
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
I have an asthmatic alcoholic for a roommate. That can't be safe.
I feel like strippers are like dogs, the more you show you're terrified the faster they come at you.
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
NoShamevember. You game?
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
THE FASTEST WAY TO MY HEART IS THROUGH FAMILY SIZED BAGS OF GENERIC BRAND CHEESE BALLS
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
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