Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
names aren't important. just tell him all you want is a lil make out sesh and keep it moving.
For some reason, my father is not responding to the 5 texts I sent him that all read: "Dad dad dad dad dad dddaadd dddddaaaaaaaaad dad".
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
Finally buying a camera. Missed out on recording a 3way last night. Hindsight. Ugh.
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
He bought me a burrito. I introduced him as "Horse-Dicked Jake" all night. My debt has been repaid.
Yes. Life would be much easier if we had penises & could do whatever the fuck we want.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
