just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
so, does the "dick the size of your forearm" thing run in the family then?
Sorry I pissed in your dining room and kicked your best friend in the face while he was passed out.
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
Plus he is a pilot so I could give him flight dome
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
Why would you keep yourself in a sharting situation
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Randomize
