I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
I just climbed out the passenger side of my car because there was a spider on mine. I'm doing adulthood right
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
He was on top and as he finished he yelled "I love gold" , so yeah I'm seeing him later tonight
You rolled onto your side and told me 'this is the recovery position'. That was after you were stoned. You've done this way too much.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
My Easter dress smells like alcohol, men, and bad decisions
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
