does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
You know its bad when you're praying for a hangover just so you aren't still drunk at work anymore.
Fuck 8am classes
Dear Jesus I'm gonna throw up through my eyes
is it customary for a bride to wear white even if she's a whore? i feel tie-dye would have been more accurate
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
AND OMG I HOPE YOU ARE GREAT WITH CHILD. COOK THAT BUN!
Not my type. One of those types that loves that they're educated, could drink their red wine and have an intellectual conversation and have a wonderful time
An adult?
these people use weed stems as birthday cake candles. I'm never coming home
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
i am no longer ashamed when i walk into the dining hall for sunday brunch and i'm greeted with applause for suriving my weekend
WE JUST PASSED A FUCKING SPACE SHIP! NOT JOKING! A REAL FUCKING SPACE SHIP! THIS IS NOT THE DRUGS! SPACE! SHIP!
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
I dont think the chain smoking, tequila shots or cocaine was good for my bronchitis.
Randomize
