I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
just saw a DUI checkpoint outside of a taco bell...i feel like thats cheating...
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
its a saturday night. im home alone watching legally blonde, eating week old birthday cake and drinking milk out of the carton. so yeah im doing real well
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well would you like to come over anyway? I will be wearing sweatpants and disappointment. Also, I have Jack Daniels and I've managed to get drunk in under half an hour. But my boobs look awesome.
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
So my family just woke up on Easter morning and shared a bowl. That's bonding😊
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Randomize
