I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
We glued Jenga blocks together, called it "magic blocks" and sold it to the stoners for $50 and a bottle of Henny
there was a trail of blood coming out of one of the bathroom stalls. thought of you
she had that "i just got used" look on her face when i kicked her out at 5am
she screamed "gravy"!!! in the guys face and then stole the very large mans food in line ahead of us... that was just the beginging of the police report.
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
Chilling. The soap was talking at one point if I rememeber right...
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
today i was walking through gramercy with a dress bag from David's Bridal and a bag of McDonald's. No guy would make eye contact with me as I scarfed down my fries. I think I was mankind's walking night terror.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
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