So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
I'm really having trouble focusing on shark week with this erection
I sewed up my pants, stole his girlfriends white shirt, and went to work hungover like a responsible adult.
It is super hard to find a good vegan dominatrix! THAT'S why I'm single
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I feel like a sex bomb and I need to go explode on somebody
I mean I'm sad it didn't work out but tbh he he can't unlick my booty hole or unbreak his headboard... He won't forget my name ever
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I don't know why I bit your face last night but I'm sorry .
i think ive been high everyday since ive met you
Randomize
