my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
you were making out with a guy that looked like Fat Albert, I kicked you in the vagina but you didn't stop
That moment half way through a run when you realize you have to take a giant shit. I was racing against my bowels that last mile. Now my sweat is suctioning my ass to this toilet seat. Enjoy that NSA.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
Started dabbing in blow again because he always hated that I did it. Yuh I’m doing drugs but at least I’m doing me?
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
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