ill give you a foot job if you come over before 4
Sundresses, hats, and big glasses. That is the greatest trick the devil ever taught women.
i think a pirate just stole the rest of our fucking beer. what an appropriate costume.
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
yeah, you were trying to hump the doorman.
when did we get a doorman?
we were also in the wrong building...
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
So... Really random... You know we only exist cause Dad misspelled 'perseverance', right?
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
