He tugged on my tampon string and said 'there's a snake in my boot'. Needless to say he called me Woody and quoted Toy Story the rest of the night.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
I'm bleeding from my lower lip, and I have bruises around my neck. It was just easier to say I got mugged.
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
He went to WalMart with $30 and came back with a watch, a basketball and an engagement ring.
So your bra was hanging in the Christmas tree last night at some point I think
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
I specialize in how to hang out and party with randoms after you've hooked up with them. Not in feelings.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
I’m not closing myself off the to the possibility of making a bad life choice.
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
I'm declaring this weekend Captain Morgan weekend
You declare every weekend Captain Morgan weekend...
You just don't understand... :'(
I love millennial parents. One of the moms at the daycare center literally told me she and her husband named two of her kids after batman characters and one after game of thrones
Randomize
