i'm trying to reconcile what i did last night with who i am as a person.
Goal for tonight: Make one last drunken mistake for the semester.
you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
Jizz is so healthy, they should sell it at Jamba Juice. Call it "Jamba's Juice". Genius.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Just because its your birthday does not mean u can play quarters by dropping quarters into cups to make me drink.
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
Steve brought 6 joints and 2 bottles of makers mark, Josh shat himself in the pool, and Amy blew me. Hope that extra 3 dollars an hour for working overnights is still worth it.
He drives a tundra! Of course I fucked him. Im just saying eventually im going to need help moving and he has a nice truck. Its like thank you for later on
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Add tweezing eyebrows to the list of things not to do while on adderol....
I am 11 times too hungover to give the eulogy
Randomize
