How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
The shirt is mine, the pants are mine, the bra not so much
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I had to move some guys boxers out of the dryer. This is the closest I'll be getting to dick this month.
the russians are downstairs with the vodka loudly proclaiming happy birthday america. i don't care if it's the fourth, i care that it's 9 am and they woke me up.
dude uncooked spaghetti noodles dipped in thousand island dressing is better than it sounds
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I just yelled at my mom for getting me circumcised without my permission. That drunk
Last night you told me you "were too high" and didn't deserve a hashbrown.
I'm the Oprah of jello shots
Dick. I'll go round and break his windows. I've been watching Sons of Anarchy on Netflix.
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
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