I can't believe the cop was so cool about the whole thing, I mean, I had man mayo all over my jeans.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
I seriously told a stripper I would hold her hand when she goes to get ass implants.
I don't hate him I just hate being present to see him consume 80 dollars worth of alcohol and then try to tip people with left over money on a Walmart gift card
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I just slipped on ice and peed on my pea coat. There's a pun there but I'm too sad to make it
I wanna be like, dude, I peed your bed. Like you laid in my pee. And we're not dating. You can find another fuck buddy who I'm sure won't piss on you.
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
