Remember ______, girl, blonde, one of my roommates the first year of ________?
Yeah we hooked up in the top bunk bed while simultaneously having a conversation with u, so yeah, I remember her
I could be a Disney star with the amount of nude photos of mine that get leaked.
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
I wish I had a frozen water bed.
best. idea. ever.
looking back, maybe 11 flaming dr peppers was a little extreme
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
wtf... you literally introduced yourself as "that friend who's going to fuck all your other friends."
I hope you know that means regardless of their gender.
Im pretty sure my housekeeper high fived her on the way out this morning
Dude, my ex girlfriend showed up, bought me a tequila shot, made out with me and then disappeared into the night. Then her current girlfriend saw, so she came over and slapped me and then I made out with her too
This was before halftime
I RUINED A LESBIAN RELATIONSHIP BEFORE HALFTIME
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
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