well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
You talked to that cop for like 15 minutes and when you got back, you told us you were "networking".
every time I see Anne Hathaway all I can think is "my cousin fucked a guy who fucked her" and it makes me proud.... so I want to say thank you for being that cousin.
cum and cheesecake for breakfast...don't fucking tell me pride week isn't awesome
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
She gives pretty bad head, but when it's in her dad's Lexus SUV it's tough to complain.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
Its official the day you get back into town we are having a going away to jail party for me. My last wish before prison is to shit faced drunk with you, get into a fist fight, and then cuddle up and fall asleep. Just like old times <3
Don't use or open the microwave. It's full of smoke. Buying a new one tomorrow, will explain.
Remember when we were coked out at that house and we were trying to meditate in the bathroom? Who's house were we at?
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I thought you were dead but then you asked me if your tits looked good. They did.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
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