there are some really hot girls on the bus. i want to lips them
Listen, i'm watching playoff hockey and eating waffles. i just don't have time for your drama today.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
Aside from the fact that there's a penis in my mouth, that's a pretty good picture of me
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
This gem of a conversation has been brought to you be weed
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I need a new best friend. Someone who drinks like a fish, hooks up enough to raise eyebrows, and isn't afraid to admit that masturbation is the second best way to spend time. Someone like me! Help me put up posters.
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
I'm like the big dick whisperer.
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
honestly i've never been more attracted to you than when you threw up on my floor
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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