The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
does my mom think that having an ed hardy lighter is going to get her laid?
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
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Idk, it's Grover wearing a sombrero. Do I need a reason?
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
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Just spiked the bong with a ludens cough drop with hopes it soothes my throat after i rip it.
Every grown women needs to pee herself once in her life. It builds character.
(540): I ran 10 miles and then took a dump behind a rock. What the fuck have you done with a hangover that's comparable?
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I have words... I can't think of them tho. they keep melting together and forming you and I just want to hump it.
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
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