I smell stomach acid.
moral of the story: I'm going to stab everyone
it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
sarcasm needs its own font
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I hit 10,000 texts this month.. I think my grandkids have carpal tunnel.
how the hell did u puke all over the magazines... do u still want me to keep them
It must be illegal for me to be this drunk in front of this many children
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
Is it weird that I want to have sex wearing my glasses and lab coat while having an actual scientific discussion?
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Randomize
