the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
theres chocolate ground into my couch, nerds candy all over the floor and cocaine on every surface. great memorial day weekend and yours?
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
they wouldnt let me drive the convertible because i was in a bird suit :(
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
Did you just tell me you watch cartoon porn because it's more real?
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
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