your room smells of hookers.
And success
Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
The lady next to me at the airport just baggage checked a six pack. She is now my hero.
After she saw a msg in his phone from me that listed the reasons why I love his cock, I don't think I can deny fucking her ex.
We can see it once so I can see the whole movie, then I'll go see it with him so I know when the boring parts are and I can have sex with him during those parts
Got it in all night, now at a bar at 730 am and we are the only two people here. Somewhere my mid twenties father is applauding me.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
anyways, do you want to make more embarrassing memories that im bound to remind you about later and laugh about?
Do you ever have one of those days when your breasts are just fucking awesome?
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
I'm actually pretty sure the amount of alcohol I drank last night erased memories from other times in my life.
Randomize
