Friends don't let friends fuck ugly girls. WALK AWAY FROM HER!
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
Dude I just came exactly at the crescendo of the Catalina wine mixer duet from step brothers.. Advance to next level.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
Randomize
