The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
i'm not sure when i reached "slam my own hand in the door" status but my half attached fingernail is not grateful.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
I woke up in a poorly constructed blanket fort on a strange office floor covered in rug burns and champagne. How was your night?
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
Idk man there's lots of bad dick but even a bad cookie is still pretty good
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Do not, I repeat, DO NOT uncuff him no matter how much he begs. He knows what he did.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
You had a 45min conversation with the Ronald McDonald statue I have the video to prove it
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