What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I love that she's always that person who people think it's a good idea to invite her to something. and then she's there and you realize, "nope."
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
what whaaaat?! I BET YOU WIN IN THE TEETH DEPARTMENT.
Finished my senior thesis. How am I celebrating you ask? By drinking gas station white zif out of an empty candle holder by myself. I fucking deserve to graduate.
There's a homeless man outside the bar. I have a toothbrush and toothpaste in my car. I think i'm going to give them to him. And they said drinking is bad.
You're so thoughtful.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
You're alright. You just passed out while we were having sex. Then I'm pretty sure you peed. So I went home.
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
So I woke up alone in the hotel room clutching a bible to my chest. Explain, please.
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Whoever jacked off in MY pong room on the bean bag with your fucking googles pick up your fucking cum towel you gross disgusting fucks. I said NO MORE jacking off in that room. I swear I will empty it out if this is going to continue.
oh dont worry mom i am not sick my cough is from a recent increase in recreational drug use
that will happen
Randomize
