This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
the line for where the wild things are looks like radiohead had sex with an urban outfitters
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Dude, I couldn't come. She sounded like a goddamn dying walrus.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I don't care that you fucked her. I'm offended that once again, you fucked someone with me in the room because you assumed I was asleep.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Today has been the most awkward masturbatory day of my life. Possibly even more awkward than when my mom found my vibrator on Mother's Day.
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
3 2 1 whiskey
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And now I have a massive dip in and a Bloody Mary that would catch on fire if you put a flame close to it, with no pants on... At 8:15Am. Being single is pretty legit
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
His family, without saying anything, started a game of quarters the moment the drinks arrived. I love them. If only I didn't hate him so much.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
You spent twenty minutes waxing poetic about her ass and her thighs
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