We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
I learned much from the teen babysitter: I can light a cigarette in a microwave.
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Well it was okay until he pinned my arms over my head and I found the loaded pistol tucked behind the bed... THIS IS WHY WE DON'T FUCK BOYS IN MONTANA ANYMORE
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