I miss you like a fat girl misses the prom.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
I was thinking more like a "sorry you can hear us, but I'm having the best sex of my life" cake
There is naked swordfighting and something green and alcoholic going on in the basement. COME. OVER. NOW.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
He's drunk and I'm pain-killer high and we're about to watch fireworks at disney world. It's gonna be fucking magical
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
Quick question. If you break the bathroom sink off the wall from fucking on it, can you claim it on your homeowner's insurance as a 'natural disaster'?
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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