i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
i'm wearing my white shorts to coax my period out of hiding.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
New game: find the sober person in Tbell
She texted her brother about how much she loved his hot tub. He responded three days later that he wasn't aware he owned a hot tub.
come over after work tomorrow, liz and i will make all of your wildest dreams come true. so long as your wildest dreams involve drinking champagne at my house with two girls who won't have sex with you.
She gave me what I will now dub a "hurricane sandy". Loud, wet and sloppy BJ that made me want to stay home and complain about shit on the Internet
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I deserve this hangover.
I think I just scared the sex out of my booty call. He saw me at the grocery store using one of those "future mother" parking spots right next to the handicap ones. He just made eye contact and drove off. I regret my laziness.
Fucking hate kids. In particular I hate our kids.
Randomize
