I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
according to the woman who took my blood today, i have "party veins"
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
Dude just the look on his face when she sat down next to him, threw one leg over his, and just said "so..." was fucking amazing
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
Well the term Party is used loosely in this situation. Since it will just be mom wine drunk and us eating chips with multiple dips.
I just want to order a very large pizza and get very drunk and very laid.
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
She threw her burger out the car window last night. My vegan neighbors were not pleased but I’m pretty sure I saw a for sale sign go up on their lawn so I owe her one.
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