Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
dude, never let a drunk girl playbite your dick. the doctor came in laughed and left.
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
He adopted an old drug sniffing dog so that he won't lose his weed around the house anymore. It works.\n
oh my god, there is an imprint from the nuva ring in the christmas card my mom sent me. merry christmas.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Dude that girl I hooked up with Tuesday is in lecture. I told her I was from the Dominican visiting my cousin and was leaving the next day. Hiding under my hood and hangover.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
Why is there soup literally in every orifice of my body?
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
336: Dude I lost my.phone Wednesday night at a party and just found it, three days later, on the lacrosse field....what the actual fuck.
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
He was so drunk last night. He woke up out of a dead sleep at 330am, walked over to the dresser, opened his middle drawer and proceeded to pee. When I woke up and asked him Wtf he was doing, he told me it was fake pee and blamed it on the cat...we don't have a cat
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