They have glow in the dark condoms. That's so scary.
Something like a penis light saber.
Where are you???
With some dude on the way to his house to blaze
You went back to a stranger's house????
He isn't a stranger...he used to be on kids, inc.
I love LA.
My Higher Power is John Stamos
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
You know you drank too much last night when your mouthwash tastes like water
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
I woke up and there was pizza slices on the fucking walls of my room
I put on pants and a bra for you and you never showed up. There is no forgiveness for that.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
Randomize
