hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
If i off myself, it'll be in a lobster costume in the hot tub with butter...
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
I just added 'steal mom's xanax' to my to do list for when I go home for Easter.
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
i just thought that perhaps i was done with the "boning on someone else's futon" stage of my life. guess not.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Thing I said while arguing: I want to be single again so that I can have pizza and dick rained down upon me.
Pulling out all the stops on being a lady.
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
You can laugh all you want but 99 grapes is a lot stronger than what you were drinking.
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
I'm here. Help me get the salsa and bong inside.
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
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