So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
I can text with my tongue
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
I'm pretty sure they had a hash wedding cake. I love college weddings.
Just found a pack of birth control on the corner of Oakland and Thomas, so if your desperate its up for grabs.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Because I was drunk or stoned for 4 days. I either made terrible decisions or none at all.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
the day i stop sending you hentai screenshots is the day i actually act like an adult, and TRUST ME. THAT AINT HAPPENING ANYTIME SOON.
All I know is I woke up with my apartment door wide open, naked, and I poured an entire bottle of Advil on my bed to sleep in.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Randomize
