summer is not the time to consider going full bush.
we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Psh a bachelors degree is the new adulthood. We're all just pretending anyways. I'm sitting on my boyfriends couch while he's passed out drunk. In my lap. On a Wednesday. And he's a nurse. See, pretending to be an adult
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Would it be irresponsible to use my tax refund for a boob job?
Yes. Highly encouraged though.
i almost threw up on his dick. its like icarus, flew too close to the sun. except the sun is his dick and my throat was icarus
He was shirtless in my yard saying he was jesus
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
