just heard the best thing ever: calling people's kids "fuck trophies"
i dont know, i woke up and he was going down on me. i guess i can save his number
Just because you're using the Hipstamatic app for your nude photo taking, it doesn't make your drunken blowjob pics any classier.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
Disregard the shoes in the freezer.
You know you're a whore when you color code your calendar with who you slept with on what day incase you have ANOTHER pregnancy scare
I want to throw all of their shoes in the pool so I feel like there is some justice in the world
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
I feel like I could get pregnant watching Zac Efron do yard work in this movie
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
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