fuck, i never want to drink again I drunk dialed matt last night and broke up with him the second night in a row. FUCK QUADFEST
You need to stop texting me at SEVEN in the morning. It wakes my one night stands up and makes for the awkward talk way too early.
Any girl that compares her vag to a hot ham sandwich is beyond a slut
I mean, she is a dancer for the Suns. If I didnt fuck her that would just be bad team spirit.
You tried feeding my python vodka through a funnel. Fuck off.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
sex, shower, sex, ice cream sandwiches?
You answered, dry heaved into the phone twice, & then hung up on me.
I'm topless, wearing a fur coat, stink of sex, and eating dim sum. 2015 is off to a great start.
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Hmm should I take my nipple rings out before my sisters wedding/family vacation in Puerto Rico where I will be with my mother 24hrs a day for four days wearing a bathing suit seemingly the entire time? Or should I just risk it and not hug anyone.
Risk it. Keep the titties tough.
Randomize
