just found out my sister was breast fed and i was not...pretty upset about that.
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
I took the precaution of putting my macbook the one place in the dorm there is no way i can piss on it... the toilet
I assume you will show your seat mates your vibrating cock ring.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
haha she has always seemed a little off. when i met her i was told she was the queen slut. and she had a crown on at the time. it seemed appropriate.
Just got motor boated by a horse in the street
You should have hard cock pics on hand to send in the situation that you can't stop driving, pull out your cock, browse the countless pics I've sent you of my tits, get him hard and text a pic through. I mean, it's simple sexting ettiquette.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
That basically sounds like the worst party of my life, and I'm including my brother's World of Warcraft themed birthday party.
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
You tried to run away last night. The neighbors brought you back.you were in their hot tub again. This needs to stop
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