Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
He has an intense fear that my cat will attack his balls while we're fucking
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
There's a woman at the bar holding a baby with one arm and doing shots of GM with the other. The baby is crying. I have lost faith in humanity.
I just woke up in my locked bathroom. It's 5 PM. What happened?
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
Medicine hack, old crowe and ramen flavor packets isnt a cure for the cold.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Quit giving me a hard time, whens the last time you got head every night? Cougars are where its at they dont play games
She actually made an event on facebook for tomorrow when she does a pregnancy test, 8 people are attenting so far
Randomize
