im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
"Not only do I bring a guy back to my hotel room....But I bring one back for my friend who's passed out drunk. Now that's what we call BESTfriends"
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
It's all good, I've hated people for lesser reasons than being my ex boyfriend's favorite pro athlete of all time
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
Nothing like coming home and finding the nearly full bottle of fireball you forgot you had stashed before your trip
It's the little things
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
You went into my bathroom put on my bathrobe.. Said excuse me then went in my front yard and started yelling who ate my whopper..
I don't care. It's wine Wednesday get your gameface on.
Randomize
