Will you blow on my dice?
uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
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Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
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I'm convinced that the Christmas lights in my room contributed to the great sex.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
All I'm saying is that if he knows his wife walks around naked during the day, he shouldn't bring a friend home for lunch and show up unannounced.
My conscious state is steadily increasing towards drunkenness.
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