im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
everyday i become more and more impressed with my facebook stalking skills
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
i just traded 2 rolls of toilet paper for half a water bottle of vodka. i love college
So what's the verdict on pumpkin smoothies with vodka? I puked.
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
Who's nuvaring is under my pillow?
Some daaay... Bet your bottom dollar that some daaay you'll do that mollyyyy
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
Randomize
