i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I was hoping we just happened to wake up naked and I hadn't fucked him.... no such luck.
SLUTTIEST. 4TH. EVER.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
REAL PEOPLE DRINK 3 BEERS ALONE WILL WATCHING THE LIFETIME MOVIE ABOUT PRINCE WILLIAM AND KATE MIDDLETON
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Everyone looked at me like I just fucked a gopher and was wearing it like a hat
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Just saw a guy I fucked in a clown suit in the bar. It's not Halloween. I have got to start making better life decisions.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
I just realized I slept with a guy who used the pickup line "do you have a bandaid? I skinned my knee when I fell for you."
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
Randomize
