you left with a lisa lampanelli lookalike... i hope she was atleast funny
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
You always know it is going to end badly when a guy asks if he met you at a "coed naked lawn bowling party"
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
Every girl my sister has brought home from college I've had sex with, check and mate motherfucker
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Since I fall down so much at parties I've started doing this new thing where when I fall I just yell FLOOR PARTY and make people bring the party to me
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
Also, your girlfriend apologized to me about yesterday. That was nice of the cunt.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
Randomize
